Hyper Libido
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Roar Without Repressing
Hyper Libido
How To Balance Libido
Not a lot is written about Hyper Libido. We live in a society where we’re almost always expected to be at our best. The media, especially, tells us that we should always be willing and ready for sex. Therapists up and down the registers will offer advice on how to increase your libido, porn addiction, and sex addiction. Except, what happens when you’re not addicted to sex or a ‘nymphomaniac’, but you struggle because your libido is constantly elevated?
Perhaps you find it difficult to concentrate on work? Perhaps it’s difficult to be close to your partner in a non-sexual way when you haven’t recently orgasmed together? Or, maybe you feel guilty or ashamed of always having an elevated libido by comparison to the levels you feel it should be at?
I differentiate between Sex Addiction and Hyper Libido because, with Sex Addiction, one has little to no control over a downward spiral of thoughts and actions that you feel compelled to do. Hyper Libido, on the other hand, describes a constant or frequently elevated desire beyond comfortable levels that you can control.
What Sex Addiction and Hyper Libido do have in common is that in both cases sex is on your mind to the extent that it creates an imbalance in your life, and causes you or your loved one’s pain.
Libido, our interest in sex, is remarkably complex. Although we don’t understand it fully, we do know of a range of physiological and psychosexual factors that contribute to it’s functioning.
The causes of Hyper Libido are usually psychosexual. However, psychosexual therapy for libido disorders must take physiological factors into account. Beware of any therapists who don’t find it necessary to check your medical background thoroughly. Also, beware of any doctors who try to ‘heal’ you without suggesting psychosexual therapy in parallel to medical treatments.
Libido disorders are never something to be ashamed of. With the correct counselling and treatment, disorders in sex drive can always be treated effectively.
Psychosexual therapy is the cornerstone of any treatment for Hyper Libido. It should always serve as the foundation and starting point for other treatments – if they prove necessary.
Please note that this entry is provided to inform you of potential treatment options – for psychosexual and physiological medical treatment. This information is not provided to advise you regarding your individual medical situation. If you would like to schedule a free initial telephone consultation with me, please click here.
I’ll work as an experienced central agent in your treatment. In therapy, we’ll work through the psychological causes and effects of Hyper Libido together, and continue counselling until you reach the point of renewed sexual energy and control.
We’ll also investigate any physiological causes. I’ll refer you to private or NHS medical professionals I know and trust in the way of identifying and treating the physiological aspects. Together, we’ll provide you with a range of options available to you, while eliminating any harm the condition may have done to that point.
In counselling, you’ll have a safe space to discuss your concerns, and gain the information and confidence you need to flourish.
Rather than sticking to a preset definition based on a frequency and intensity described in a medical manual, I believe in a far more practical approach to defining Hyper Libido. Libido is different for everyone. It’s not up to someone else to know what a normal or acceptable libido is for you as an individual.
I find it more helpful to define a Healthy Libido, instead of focusing on the negative:
“A healthy libido is a desire for sex, such that the person experiences a sufficiently powerful and frequent desire to enjoy sexual function, and where that power and frequency does not cause imbalances in the person’s life due to excess.”
That is quite a sentence! Yet, now it becomes far easier to define “Low” or “Hyper” Libido.
As you know yourself better than anyone, I’ll accept that you suffer from Hyper Libido when you feel that you do, and where a higher libido would not be in excess to the point that it would harm you. I can also help you distinguish between Sex Addiction and Hyper Libido, and make sure that you get the appropriate assistance in either case.
Libido disorders can affect anyone, at any age, for a variety of reasons. There is no shame in suffering from an elevated libido, whatever the cause.
Hyper Libido is caused by either psychological or physiological reasons. Even when it is caused by physiological factors, there is always a psychosexual element that must be addressed to treat the condition successfully.
Physiological causes of Hyper Libido are usually due to medications, neurological conditions, or hormone imbalances.
Psychosexual causes of Hyper Libido are exceptionally intricate and difficult to decode. Pinpointing the exact triggers can only happen through a process of reflection and counselling. Causes can include relationship problems, mania, depression, fatigue, feeling inadequate, sexual fears, rejection, sexual/emotional trauma, performance anxiety, low self-esteem, guilt, pornography, and a range of other factors. It takes time and skill to reveal the different layers of the psyche that are affected, and the reasons one thinks are the cause, very rarely actually are.
Identifying the underlying causes, both physiological and psychosexual, is only half the battle won. Only through a balanced approach that addresses all causal factors and symptoms, can you achieve true healing and freedom.
Unfortunately, no medication exists that directly addresses libido. In fact, a marketing tactic of pharmaceutical companies is to bundle the words “libido” and “erectile dysfunction”. This is egregiously inaccurate and unethical beyond limits. The truth is that no ED medication can affect libido directly. Importantly, PDE5 inhibitors are useless unless one is first aroused. Millions of men around the world suffer from Erectile Dysfunction who have healthy libidos. Equally, millions of men have low libidos and don’t suffer from ED. Please be extremely careful. Taking PDE5 inhibitors (Viagra/Cialis/Levitra/Stendra) when you don’t physiologically need them is extremely dangerous. They will not boost libido and may put you in physical danger without careful supervision.
First, it is vital to begin healing the psychological damage already caused as well as to safeguard against any future psychological damage that would have been done.
During the counselling process, we’ll discover the underlying causes in your past and present, and devise practical frameworks to resolve them together. This process may not be quick, but it is guaranteed to work.
Simultaneously, through a process of careful elimination, physiological causes must either be identified or ruled out.
I will work as a central agent in your treatment. We’ll continue working through the psychological causes and effects of Hyper Libido until arriving at a point where you feel entirely at peace again. At the same time, we’ll investigate any physiological causes together. I’ll refer you to medical professionals I know and trust in the way of identifying and treating the physiological aspects. Together, we’ll provide you with a range of options available to you, while eliminating any harm the condition may have done to that point. If you require medical treatment, I’ll work with you to select the correct treatment provider, as well as to counsel you through the process successfully.
In doing this, we’ll achieve a holistic approach and guarantee that your condition is successfully treated – permanently, and without costing you an arm and a leg.
In our initial conversation, we’ll have the opportunity to discuss your primary concerns and reasons for seeking treatment, and what the outcomes are that you’d like to achieve.
I’ll explain more about myself, my professional experience, and how we’ll work to achieve your goals. We’ll go over the costs of treatment and make sure that an option is available to you that is affordable and sustainable. I’ll also explain a little more regarding the technical aspects of online counselling and explain the best ways to set up the software options available.
We’ll schedule 2 x 90-minute sessions to discuss your history, background, and the context of your elevated desire. It’s essential that I fully understand the context of your concerns and what your goals are.
We’ll dedicate one session each to physiological and psychological factors, respectively.
We’ll consider your full medical history; however, below is a sample of the types of questions that we’ll be exploring:
- How long has the elevated desire been occurring?
- Describe what happens when you have intercourse?
- What happens when you try to masturbate?
- (M) Do you have morning erections?
- (F) Are you aroused in the mornings?
- (M) Do you have difficulty achieving or maintaining your erection?
- (M) If so, at which point do you lose your erection?
- (F) Do you experience vaginal dryness?
- How often do you feel your libido is too high?
- (M) How rigid are your erections?
- (M) Does your penis have a bend, twist, or curve when it’s rigid?
- (M) Have you ever had any serious testicular trauma?
- What medications are you currently taking?
- When last did you have your hormone levels examined?
- How regularly do you check your blood pressure?
- Do you often have palpitations?
- Have you before, or are you currently using any drugs (including cannabis)?
- Do you take any opiate pain killers (or have you before)?
- How much alcohol do you consume?
- Do you smoke?
- (M) How regularly do you attend a prostate examination?
- (F) How regularly do you attend a pelvic exam?
- Are you currently overweight?
- How would you describe your level of fitness?
We’ll discuss your history and background, along with questions that relate more specifically to Libido. A sample of the questions we’ll focus on are:
- How are you currently managing your libido?
- How much stress are you currently experiencing?
- Do you have difficulty maintaining a relationship?
- How would you describe your current relationship?
- When did the Hyper Libido begin?
- (M) How frequently do you have unsatisfactory erections?
- Do you feel your chest tightening when you think of sex?
- How has your relationship(s) been going?
- Are you worried about performing sexually?
- (M) How often do you wake up with an erection?
- (M) Do you have spontaneous erections throughout the day?
- How would you describe the quality of your sleep?
- (M) Do you struggle to achieve or maintain an erection when you are alone?
- How much pornography do you consume?
- (M) Do you have difficulty achieving/maintaining an erection when watching pornography?
- (F) Do you have difficulty becoming aroused when watching pornography?
- Do you have difficulty orgasming?
- Do you often orgasm prematurely?
- In your opinion, what is causing the elevated libido?
- How would you describe your self-esteem?
- Have you experienced any sexual or emotional trauma in the past?
- Are you worried your partner might find you inadequate?
- How worried are you about rejection in general?
- Would you describe yourself as being depressed?
- Would you describe yourself as being manic?
- How difficult is it to focus during masturbation?
- What are the thoughts/worries that your mind drifts to while masturbating?
- When you are able to orgasm, how would you describe the quality of the orgasm?
We’ll work together to formulate a practical therapy plan for counselling sessions. You’ll very quickly begin to feel better and see a rapid improvement in the sense of peace you feel and your emotional health in general.
Sexual function is almost always affected by the level of happiness we experience in the rest of our lives. As such, we’ll focus not only on the sexual hurdles you’re facing, but also on improving the rest of your quality of life.
Depending on your circumstances, I may also ask you to conduct a blood test. This test is very affordable, can be done from the privacy of your home, and will remain entirely confidential. The results will show us a starting point for your general physical health. We’ll also find out whether your body is producing a sufficient amount of the correct hormones needed for sexual function.
Our ongoing counselling sessions will continue working on improving the underlying issues that are the true psychological causes or reasons for distress. Our work will also ensure a vast improvement to your life in general, not just restricted to sexual function. There is no limit to the number of sessions we can have, but the process typically takes 12 – 16 sessions. We’ll work to overcome the obstacles you were facing, and explore the goals you’d like to achieve.
If a physiological component was an additional cause to Hyper Libido, I’ll continue working with you throughout the counselling process to find the correct medical support, and guide you through any treatment that you may require.
At the end of the counselling process, we’ll review the work we’ve done and the progress you’ve made. We’ll revisit any outstanding issues and discuss methods to ensure that your confidence and success remain in place.
3 – 6 months following the conclusion of your therapy, we’ll schedule a follow-up session to make sure that everything has been going well. We’ll take this opportunity to discuss any new concerns you might have, or conclude our work together.
No primary physiological treatments currently exist to treat Libido / Desire Disorders.
When an underlying physiological cause does exist, the focus is on treating the primary condition that the orgasmic disorder is a symptom of.
A clear link exists between hormone levels and a healthy libido, arousal, orgasmic control, and a general sense of wellness. In the case of Hyper Libido, your hormone levels may be unbalanced, causing the changes in desire.
Oestrogen
Oestrogen therapy is usually the hormone referred to when speaking of Hormone Replacement Therapy for women. However, Oestrogen plays an enormous role in the sexual function of both men and women. Oestrogen levels that are too low tend to cause mood swings, fatigue, sadness, depression, and lowered libido. Oestrogen levels that are too high tend to cause anxiety, mood swings, irritability, and irrational thinking patterns. Medication does exist to help balance Oestrogen levels for both men and women, although, you should only do this under the careful supervision of an endocrinologist.
Testosterone
Testosterone is usually the hormone we think of in terms of regulating sexual function, both in men and women. “Normal” Testosterone levels vary from person to person. However, Testosterone levels that are elevated beyond your usual levels may result in an elevated sex drive. It is also useful to test Free Testosterone levels as this may be elevated in addition.
The sad fact is that hormonal imbalances are very seldom diagnosed correctly. Most doctors receive little to no training on optimal hormone levels unless they specifically opt to specialise in that field.
When doing blood tests for hormone levels, I always advise testing for the following:
- Testosterone, Total
- Testosterone, Free
- Testosterone, Bioavailable
- Oestradiol (Sensitive)
- Steroid Hormone Binding Globulin (SHBG)
- Dihydrotestosterone (DHT)
- Full/Complete Blood Count (FBC/CBC)
- Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH)
- Luteinising Hormone (LH)
- Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA)
- Metabolic panel
If your GP is hesitant to prescribe the correct tests on the NHS, or if you prefer to handle the testing privately, I work with a reputable laboratory that will conduct the tests for you. Please contact me to order a finger-prick test kit (circa £150) that can be done from the comfort of your own home. Based on the results, I can refer you to a network of physicians I know, trust, and have experience working with.
Even if you aren’t suffering from a hormonal imbalance at the moment, knowing your healthy baselines may be extremely helpful in the future.
During our assessment sessions, we’ll discuss any risk factors that may indicate a physiological cause to the elevated libido. It’s vital to ensure that if a physiological cause exists, it’s identified and treated in parallel to your psychosexual therapy.
Because the potential array of physiological causes is relatively wide, I can help you to prioritise the order and types of specialists to approach for diagnosis and treatment, as well as to refer you to physicians I know and trust (both on the NHS and privately).
Preliminary bloodwork is always a good starting point and I can either write to your GP on your behalf to request this, or assist you in getting an affordable home test kit through a reputable laboratory that I regularly use. This is useful if you’d prefer to get the tests done with greater expediency and privacy.
If you’d like more information on the successful treatment of Hyper Libido, please contact me to schedule a Free Initial Consultation.
Client Feedback:
“Since I was in my teens, I always had a higher sex drive than other guys I knew. Back then it was great, but as I got older it became more difficult to focus on work and other stuff I enjoyed. My mind would drift to sex 8-10 times a day and sometimes I would get so horny that I couldn’t concentrate at all.
I met the most amazing partner last year and we’ve been going out since. The problem is that no matter how often we have sex, I still can’t seem to prioritise other things for too long before my mind goes back there. I eventually thought that I was addicted to sex, which is when I contacted James.
I’m so glad I did that. He helped me understand the difference between having a hyper libido and sex addiction, and that in my case I had a hyper libido. We did some blood tests to check but I didn’t have anything physically wrong. That was a great relief and helped me to concentrate on the counselling.
We talked through some stuff from my past that I’ve been holding on to. We also talked a lot about feelings of guilt and control. James helped me to learn new ways to control and calm my mind and how to deal with feelings of a really high libido.
With James’ help I finally feel like I’m at peace and have a lot more control over my mind. Life is brilliant! I get to enjoy a high libido and still focus on the things in my life that I love.
Thanks for everything James. You’re a rockstar!”
Matt, Brighton, UK
Sex
Addiction
Learn to tame the dragons of compulsive sexual behaviour and get control of intimacy back.
Desire
Differences
Learn to navigate libido in your relationship. Rediscover intimacy and passion.
Sex
Addiction
Learn to tame the dragons of compulsive sexual behaviour and get control of intimacy back.
Desire
Differences
Learn to navigate libido in your relationship. Rediscover intimacy and passion.